Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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