I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
