So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
