Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
