you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
