In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
