After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize