my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
