lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
