The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
