i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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