Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
