I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i dont even know how to be here
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
