His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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