Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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