i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
