She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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