I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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