i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
