I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
