He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
