So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
