The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
