you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
