My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
