He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
