I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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