I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
