dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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