giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize