Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
