Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
