i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
BRING THE BAGELS
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
