I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
