I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
