arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
