Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
