I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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