your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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