just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just found puke in my bra..
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
