HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
