when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
