apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
