He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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