You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
