I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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