i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
