His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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