Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize