I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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