Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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