this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize