Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
