i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
