Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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