Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
