He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
