So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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