i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
