Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
