I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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