my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
