I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Randomize
