yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
